Returning to work after having a baby can feel overwhelming – regardless of how long you’ve had away from the work place or how many times you’ve done it before.

I’ve navigated the return to work on 4 separate occasions – 3 after maternity leave with each of my babies and one after a similar length of time after being stood down during covid.

In part one of my top tips for returning to work after maternity leave, I explored the more practical tips. In part two, I’m letting you in on the secrets that helped me stay sane. These tips are more about how to look after yourself and not completely lose yourself in the process of going back to work.

Tips for returning to work after maternity leave – looking after yourself

Set realistic expectations

Let’s be honest, being a mum is no walk in the park. Adding in paid work – whether it’s full-time, part-time or casual work or through self-employment brings in a whole new level of complexity. It’s not easy – and don’t let anyone else’s Insta feed fool you into believing otherwise.

There’s no such thing as a perfect mother – the one that can mother like she doesn’t work and work like she doeesn’t have children. Trying to balance both can be a struggle at times (or most of the time) and it’s important to be realistic in your expectations of trying to do’ it all’.

Having realistic expectations might mean being ok with not cooking every night, or settling with ‘breakfast for dinner’. It might mean learning to let go of how often the house is tidied or of feeling like you have to do it all yourself.

Perhaps having realistic expectations means not giving up on your career or work goals but adjusting them, or at least adjusting their timeline. It can also mean setting realistic expectations with your employer. Perhaps late-nights at the office, or being available 24/7 is no longer an option.

Having realistic expectations means understanding that often being a working mum means feeling overwhelmed and under-supported. It doesn’t make it right and it doeesn’t mean that we can’t work to change it, but at least knowing that you’re not the only one feeling like she hasn’t got her sh*t together can go some way in helping.

Explore your feelings around returning to work

For some women, a return to work after maternity leave can feel like a source of dread and worry – with the return to work necessary for economic reasons. For others the return to work can feel like a welcome change – a time they look forward to. And some women will feel both of these, and everywhere in between, at different times.

All of the emotions and feelings you have around returning to work are valid. None of them makes you a ‘good mum’ or a ‘bad mum’. They’re simply feelings

Have strategies in place to help deal with overwhelm and stress.

Having strategies in place BEFORE you feel overwhelmed can be more helpful than tyring to find a way to cope with everything when you’re already feeling like it’s all too much.

Some habits to practice before the overwhelm starts;

• Practice self-care. This doesn’t have to look like long, expensive spa days but it also doesn’t have to mean simply going to the toilet on your own and calling it self-care. Maybe it’s finding something in your day that is just for you or building some mindfulness techniques into your day.
• Ask for help and support. Asking for help doesn’t have to wait until you are desparate for it. Why not start today, even if it’s something seemingly small. The more you practice asking for help and support, the easier it will be to ask when you need it most.
• Find ways to calm your nervous system. Being a working mum can sometimes feel like you’re constant only the go or constantly putting out fires. Simple techniques such as breathwork, mindfulness, meditation or even giving yourself a cuddle can all help soothe a frazzled nervous system.
• Show yourself kindness. Some days will feel hard and like you’re not getting anything right either at home or at work. On these days, it’s so important to be able to show yourself kindness and self-compassion. Ask yourself – if my best friend was struggling, what would I say to her right know? Then say exactly that to yourself. Speak to yourself as if you were your own best friend

(If you don’t even know where to start with having strategies in place to deal with the overwhelm, or you wish there was a way to simply hit pause right now, check out my Reset program)

Learn to make friends with mum-guilt

Mum-guilt is a thing that every mum finds herself dealing with from time to time (if not more often). Learning how to make friends with mum-guilt, or at least learning to acknowledge where it is coming from, can help us work through it rather than be overwhelmed and consumed by it.

Where does mum-guilt come from?

Mum-guilt often arises when we’re trying to live up to the impossibly high bench-marks of what it means to be a ‘good mother’ or a successful woman (or both). The truth is we will never be able to live up to these – particularly at the same time as they often have competing demands.

On one hand, the expectations of a ‘good mother’ tell us that we should be around to meet every need of our children; we should be providing home-cooked meals every night; we should give all of our attention to our children; and everything we should should be for the betterment of our children’s lives. On the other hand, the successful woman ideal is one where career is most important, certinaly above the needs of anyone else. The successful woman is available for work at all hours of the day, she is focussed solely on herself and her ambitions. and she has no competing demands that take her attention away from the workplace.

Trying to balance these competing (and often unrealistic) demands can leave us feeling filled with guilt when we feel like we’re not meeting all (or any) of them. 

The first step is to treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Recognise how much you’re doing, often in a system that doesn’t support balancing mum-life with work-life. 

Mum-guilt can also provide an opportunity for you to start to work out what is most important to you. Every time mum-guilt pops up, take a moment to question where it’s coming from. Is it coming from you not doing something you feel like you ‘should be doing’? If so, take the opportunity to ask yourself if it’s something you truly want to be doing or if it’s something that you can start to let go of.

Bring in the village

The old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ exists for a reason! And that’s before we throw ‘with a working mum’ into the mix. No one can do it all, not at the same time and certainly not alone. Before heading back to work spend some time considering way you can bring some more support into your life. How can you bring back the village?

• Can you get external help at home? For example, a cleaner once a fortnight or once a month to do a more thorough clean?
• Can you make time each week to catch up with friends to provide more emotional support?
• Can you talk to your employer about any ways you can make your working week better suit your needs? As an example, can you work from home to cut down on travel time, work half-days or reduced hours for a certain period?
• Can you have a conversation with your partner about bringing more balance into the household and childcare duties?
• Do you have friends/family that can help with childcare? Is there anyone that you can create a buddy system where you take their kids for an hour or two (or longer) a week so they can have some time out and vice versa?

Learn how to say no

This one is self-explanatory but so very necessary. Learning how to say no is a powerful way to maintain boundaries and protect your own mental and emotional well-being.

If you struggle with saying no try these;

• I’m not available
• Thanks for thinking of me but I won’t be able to do this/attend this
• Thanks for the offer but I’m not able to commit to this
• No

Focus on what’s right for you

Let’s face it – becoming a mum brings with it the advice and opinions of everyone around you. From friends, family, colleagues and random strangers – everyone seems to have a say on your motherhood journey. Whether they agree with you working, how much you work, whether they think you should be staying at home with your kids, using childcare….. the list continues.

The trick is to tune out anything that doesn’t serve you. Remember this is your journey, not theirs, and just because they believe something to be true for them it doesn’t necessarily make it true for you. Your circumstances are unique to you and your family. Nobody knows you, your family situation, your economic and financial situation, or your children, like you do

You do you.

If you missed part one of my Tips for returning to work after having a baby, check it out here. In part one I share the more practical tips and how to deal with the logisitics of returning to work.

If you’re looking for more support as you navigate your return to work, my 1:1 coaching is for women ready to ditch the guilt and overwhelm, (re)claim their worth and (re)discover themselves.

Kate Vivian is an intuitive life, mindset and mastrescence coach, and mum of three, supporting mothers on the (life-changing) journey through motherhood. A Mama Rising Facilitator, Motherhood studies practitioner, and recovering ‘good girl’ Kate is on a mission to help women rewrite the rulebook on what it means to show up in the world as a woman and a mother – and more importantly, as themselves.

Kate creates a space for women where they can feel safe to take risks, to dream big and to show up as authentically them. No BS required. A space where women can reclaim their innate worth, reconnect with themselves and reimagine their lives,

When Kate’s not supporting mums or mums-to-be, you’ll probably find her drooling over recipes she never has time to cook, chucking weights around at the gym or chowing down on some chocolate (because it’s all about balance – right??).